XANADU, Florida - Johnny Carson, the beloved former host of “The Tonight Show” who spoke for millions of Americans and was hated by as many more, died in his wealthy Florida estate, uttering the word “rosebud” before passing away, his nephew reported.    >>MORE

Awards Randomly Handed Out to Famous Celebrities

HOLLYWOOD -- Over 200 awards were randomly handed out to Hollywood’s biggest and brightest stars during a five-hour awards ceremony last week.

Host Cuba Gooding was on hand to dazzle and entertain the audience with his own brand of zany, inoffensive humor.    >>MORE

"Blogging” Revolutionizes News Industry

THE BLOGOSPHERE - Across the world, web logging, or “blogging” as it is hiply referred to by those in “the know”, is quickly taking the world by storm. Breaking such important news events as the Dan Rather “Memogate” flap and the Jeff Gannon scandal, blogs are becoming more and more prominent in the American news media. In fact, some journalism scholars even believe that “blogging” could even replace the mainstream media, or “Old Media”, sometime within the next fifty years.    >>MORE

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STOCKS The Dow rose 30 points after Alan Greenspan sacrificed an infant to the Dark Lord. (Source: NYSE)

WEBPOLL What kinda man are ya? What kinda man are YOU? THIS kind, dude (punch)

CORRECTION Last month, we said that the “real AARP agenda” was to hate the troops and force same-sex marriages on America. In fact, the real AARP agenda is to “help people aged 50 and older have independence, choice and control in ways that are beneficial and affordable to them and society as a whole”. News on the March regrets the error.