Dear Freud-Droid,
My husband and I have been married for a little over 7 years now. I am his third wife and he is 38. I am also 10 years younger than he is. We trust each other very much, he more so than me. He seems to go through these moods of some sort. For a few months things will be good. But then he gets in these ruts, where it's like he is just so unhappy and bored either with me or our marriage. He doesn't want to spend time with me doing things. It seems that my needs and wants come after work, friends etc. I have tried to put the spark back in our marriage but he doesn't go for that romantic stuff much anymore. Please help me, I feel like I am loosing him and I am tired of feeling like every other woman in this world is a knock out worth going after, yet I am nothing but chop liver. – K.S.
DEAR K.S.
>>LOADING PSYCHO-ANALYSIS...
>>HUSBAND SECRETLY GAY
>> YOU SEXUALLY FRUSTRATED
>>ANSWER: DIVORCE
>>DIAGNOSIS COMPLETE.
Dear Freud-Droid,
My girlfriend is always gushing about Crispin Glover all the time! Sometimes I think she would rather be with that jerk instead of me. What should I do? –T.M.
DEAR T.M.
>>LOADING PSYCHO-ANALYSIS...
>>YOU INADEQUATE LOVER
>>ANSWER: BE MORE LIKE “CRISPIN GLOVER”
>>10 PRINT: SLICK HAIR BACK WITH HAIR GREASE
>>20 PRINT: GOTO 10
>>DIAGNOSIS COMPLETE.
Dear Freud-Droid,
My significant other just ran me over and beat me senseless. Should I leave him? -R.V.
DEAR R.V.
>>LOADING PSYCHO-ANALYSIS...
>>BOYFRIEND JERK
>>YOU EMOTIONALLY FRAIL
>>ANSWER: PARTAKE IN MARRIAGE
>>DIAGNOSIS COMPLETE.
Dear Freud-Droid,
My girlfriend doesn't want to play Everquest with me! What can i do to covince her it's a worthwhile pasttime? –G.F.
DEAR G.F.
>>LOADING PSYCHO-ANALYSIS...
>>YOU PLAY EVERQUEST
>>YOU HAVE GIRLFRIEND
>>DOES NOT COMPUTE
Dear Freud-Droid,
My girlfriend insists on wearing a storm trooper helmet in public. I told her it was only for the bedroom! Is she trying to make our private life public? Help! -H.K.
DEAR H.K.
>>LOADING PSYCHO-ANALYSIS...
>>FILE NOT FOUND.
>>INITIATING PROGRAM: CIGAR_SEXUAL_SUBTEXT.EXE
>>FAIL LOAD
>>INSERT FLESH DRIVE M
>>:ERROR ON LINE 40:
>>10 PRINT: "BEEP"
Dear Freud-Droid,
How can I get my boyfriend of 6 years to stop being a wimp and propose to me already? I've tried subtly mentioning how all our friends have gotten married, but I'm afraid he just doesn't get the hint! I'm losing paitence, what can I do? -W.F.
DEAR W.F.
>>LOADING PSYCHO-ANALYSIS...
>>ANSWER: PURCHASE MY NEW SELF-HELP BOOK
>>TITLE: "IMPROVING YOUR RELATIONSHIP THE FREUD WAY!"
>>ISBN: 0465097081
>>AVAILABILITY: NOW AT BOOKSELLERS NATIONWIDE
>>DIAGNOSIS COMPLTE.
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